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Motivation, Self-Care

And through the cracks, the light echoed

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You might think this is unnecessary, but as a person, who took 29 years to overcome suicidal depression starting from the young age of 16 with a broken support system, hear me out. History states that we were created from purity and love but like all dual forces in nature; we each have a darker side, the choice to choose is left on us and we should always hold onto the rope of sanity and strive to stay on the bright side. Ancient muses and scholars have termed the universe as a vast sea of conscious in which tiny sparks of energies float that is us. It is believed that each of us is vibrating at our own frequency, beneath our flesh and bones, lays a field of energy that connects all of us. We have high and low frequencies but we each have our roles to play in the brightest way possible so that the universe keeps running.

Governed by our pasts, presents and over thinking on the upcoming events, suicidal depression can make you numb but once you pass that thought of negativity, positive forces of nature supervenes in spirit and matter. When we talk in the context of mental health, my learning in Catholic Church teaches us that it is impossible to draw a line between the spiritual and vehicular, stating that emotional health can change us in a variety of conventional and unconventional ways.

Suicidal depression steams from multiple reasons such as a sense of abandonment while surrounded by beauty which I, as a young girl always felt, dwelling on the topic of death. The process of shifting thoughts from positive to negative is hidden beneath the irritable attitude, sudden mood swings, variation in sleep schedule and being disconnected with social life and activities.

Suicidal depression can be hard to detect, just because we cannot see does not mean it is not there. Increased pacing, psychomotor agitation, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, panic attacks and destructive critics can be observed when someone is suffering from suicidal depression and is no longer able to cope up with a grief, loss or any overwhelming or unexpected situation. In the heat of these situations, the moments act as genesis; birth and rebirth of an individual on a microcosmic level, the individual views their identity in a different light, a strong and independent soul may seem surreal, fragile, fluid and peculiar, which is why they occupy themselves with material that brings them a false sense of fleeting joy such as drugs, hanging relationships and careless expenditure on unnecessary and harmful pleasure. During this phase, the idea of beauty and attraction, reasons to live change differently for everyone. Psychoanalysis of these timeless transformations reveals that the person sees the world from behind a veil, least interested and living to the standards set by a disintegrating society and a discouraging environment. However when we do find out that we or someone else is going through such a mental disease, we should realize and accept that as long as we are alive, we are works in progress, each human is embracing mysteries and uncertainties and that such experiences teach us valuable lessons which are forever embedded in the lines of our hands and they will be utilized in taking critical decisions of our lives. I, myself has been through therapy and it has taken all my determination to overcome this period and embrace change.

Psychological forces in suicidal depression creates a puzzled melancholy of behavioral traits and as the situation unfolds and experiences manifest, our reservoirs of thoughts, dreams, feelings, desires and memories tangle and grow deep, rooting themselves in our subconscious, defining our personalities. These are powerful mental processes that determine our development; our cognitive gears that are continuously shifting, shaping our thoughts, attributes, attitudes, communication, relations, goals, morals and beliefs. Directing and channeling our inner energy during suicidal depression can be the hardest job in the world and this is where our will plays a major role. As an individual if you asses and conclude that your will power needs a push, therapy and being part of a supportive community that does not judge is the best path to take. Such journeys and transformative experiences, experiential or personal stimuli influence our behaviors and thinking. It is proven that ultimately getting help from the right and qualified people impact our decisions that will in turn affect our lives.

At this point, we, the community and the survivors, should fight every restriction associated with suicidal depression by raising awareness, realizing that transformative incidents are ingrained in us from our past lives, everyone is going under a special kind of continuous transformation throughout lives as they are processing these occurrences and that they sometimes need a guide to help them in making the choices and decisions that will be beneficial for their health and being in general. Fighting these restrictions, accepting the symptoms and figuring out possible treatments is similar to realizing the weight of a mountain that is crushing on our shoulders however the first step is the hardest, once past that, one understands their own needs better than before.

This connection between norms set by the standards of the society and mental health is old, it has affected kings and queens, thinkers and students, priests and soldiers alike. It has disrupted the creative process of unique individuals which is prominent in their approach on life, to them all seems frustrating, an endless pain and that embracing sudden changes sprouts anger, violence and that nothing beautiful can ever be born out of such hurt.

I am here to tell you that no one is ever alone, that we all are travelling with dreams and disappointments, witnessing mistakes and miracles. In an unstable world lined with obstacles, to be light as feather is an impossible feat to perform but we should not let ourselves forget that hope is fuel for the soul.

Inspiration, Practical Steps

As Pretty As Happiness

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The depth of narrating my story and the responsibility of writing on a sensitive subject such as happiness is never easy; it has raised some vital questions about me such as can I measure my own happiness level or how do I even define my happiness? Although there is a lot written on happiness, I am telling my personal experience so that you get information from a true experience that is unique.

A more scientific term for Happiness is subjective self being and as the term dictates, happiness is different for everyone. Happiness has been a hot topic for debates since ancient times; many have claimed that happiness is the pursuit of pleasure, a state in which someone is distant from their problems and relaxing hence, the person feels ‘happy’, which is a more rudimentary definition. Many have stated that it is struggle to be on terms with our positive and negative side, pain and displeasure while others say it is seeking and experiencing strong feelings that we call pleasure which is deemed as an essential component of our lives – these pleasures are not only associated with sensation but can be about our fundamental needs such as food, it can be monetary or altruistic in nature.

Through reflecting on my actions, attaining balance, embracing uncertainty, being respectful and by being compassionate, Nichiren Buddhism has helped me to empower myself in body and spirit. It is overwhelming to determine what happiness is, it is ambiguous and has many meanings and while our definition of happiness keeps on evolving, it can be described as a transforming emotion that can be related to joy, an experience with successful results, and pursuit of goals and general development of a person. Overall happiness is a mood; it is the absence of negativity and presence of positivity. In my case, happiness developed as I grew and took ownership of my personal strengths, improving my physical and mental health. The paths to happiness are many; could be related to achievements, autonomy, independence and competence or it can be realized by engaging in positive activities that can develop positive habits, qualities or traits in a person. In more simple words, happiness exists when positivity dominates which involves enjoyable experiences and absorbed in tasks that help a person demonstrate their individual virtue in work, relationship and community, rather than paying attention to their weakness. What I learned is that it is not necessary to express happiness; it is an internal experience – a state of satisfaction and euphoria.

While the degree of happiness varies with everyone, it is an effect of a positive mood, if you are positive and happy, you have higher chances of success, you solve problems more quickly, your intuition gets a boost and you live longer. Positive mood is something you can nurture; giving to others in an act of kindness, making sincere friends and having a transparent relationship and you should always improve your social skills, develop good habits, have an optimistic mindset, become self-determined and smile more often. Adequate sleep and volunteering for good causes is also related to happiness, it helps build a strong character, self – confidence and interpersonal skills.

One thing that you should note down and remember is that good things come in small packages, happiness is in everyday life, simple rewards and little thrills such as finding a quarter on the side of the street, hugging a puppy, being a hero to child by buying them an ice cream, exchanging gifts and just having a creative, calm, smart, flexible and productive approach when conflicts strike. Experiencing and cherishing small joys helps in sustaining however we should develop a positive mindset that is permanent rather than chasing after the temporary feeling and climbing mountains after mountains to achieve pleasure that is momentary and fleeting. At this point, we should be aware of our inner happiness rather than confirming to what the society is showing us through social media, billboards and TV.

Many unfortunate times, we tend to suppress negative feelings when we are seeking joy; this is common but unhealthy if it continues for longer time. The reality of life is that difficult emotions exist; we get sick, our relationships and friendships struggle, things break, and life involves pain. I experienced that we should listen to each emotion and never ask ourselves the question; ‘why am I unhappy?’ in the first place because it is a valid and real feeling and it should not be considered unwanted. Sadness is a fact of life, accepting it is good, indulging in it is not, experiencing the full range of emotions is what makes us human, not clinging to them but learning from them. It’s a pretty complicated life; you can be a raging success but dissatisfied with life or vice versa, it’s just that there is no recipe for this cake we call happiness, it is only a journey of self-discovery, it is a cake you bake for you and never expect it to satisfy everyone’s taste buds. I think it’s about gratitude, balance, resilience, being humble, kind and focusing on what matters to you; when life fulfills your fundamental needs, and these are your key ingredients, happiness will surely follow.
Talking and writing on this topic sometimes seems odd to me, like it is a dream in which I am writing on an emotion that was hard to achieve and guiding everyone through a process that took me 29 years to figure out for myself. Happiness is a mystery, it is a phenomenon, and it connects all of us. We all go to great lengths searching for happiness and wondering whether we are living the life we are meant to live. It is a question that everyone struggles to answer no matter what stage of life they are at. What to take home from my experience is that it is hard to define happiness as we are continuously evolving therefore we should identify our personal strengths, nourish them and live in the present.

Practical Steps, Self-Care

Called to the Skies, When I Hit the Ground

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You may have heard that being kind to yourself goes a long way. Yes, it does! My experience with depression, anxiety and conjuring the will to be kind to myself throughout this process of transformation and healing was not easy but necessary and it helped me in multiple ways to grow, learn to focus on solutions and accept that I will be making mistakes as long as I breathe.

Self-love is associated with valuing your own happiness and owning your personal needs, physical and emotional hence, it is a never ending and unconditional support for as long you live. In its purest form, self-love can become a well of care, compassion, happiness and worthiness. Self-love can be hard to practice without judgment in a world filled with barriers, which is why I find that having emotional support and considering cures like therapy are extremely important. Many may tell you that self-love is selfish, but it really is not about that, it is all about changing your orientation, your definition of success and thinking positive, striving to achieve a beneficial and balanced life.

Sometimes, self-love has been considered a cliché however it is an important component of your well-being. It is difficult but not impossible, content and independent, induces resilience and satisfaction. Through practicing Nichiren Buddhism, our condition is a mirror of our inner self; Self-love has helped me in overcoming obstacles without losing my center, has improved my abilities to solve my own problems, has assisted me in recognizing depression without being negative and combating the symptoms. Through traditional routes, psychological or scientific means, embracing your own darkness and troubled mind can improve your relationships and work life. Without accepting your problems, helping others can be; you will start projecting your own shadows on others and experience physiological dissonance when your behavior does not match your mental state. Without proper guide you can become distant and lose yourself in a destructive process, you cannot achieve self-love by mere words, it needs; you cannot feel accepted unless you accept the worst when you are solving this riddle of your mind, heart and life.

The seed of conflict with self stems from some major backward and destructive chemical reactions in the brain and neurosis which is a state of being at war with you. Such phenomenon arises due to lack of self-esteem; knowledge and suspicion that you are not right, or you are at conflict with another false identity inside yourself. This conflict can be spiritual with your own ego, basically a spilt in the personality. The source of neurosis can be from inside or external, anything that accentuates neurosis can make it worse and anything that mitigates neurosis tends to promote healing.

Often times, we are harsh to ourselves more than we are with others. We should try to be soft to ourselves rather than ignoring our inner voice, we should prioritize our needs, change our perspective and be more forgiving to our self. This practice of self-love is often translated in Yoga such as warrior poses and other self-care strategies that are aimed towards reducing stress level and battling associated diseases such as chronic illness, depression, anxiety, drug abuse, hypertension, obesity, eating disorder, cancer and post-traumatic stress.

Self-love can be a blessing if it is not turned into a crisis; it is the realization of our talent, personality, strength and the power of our emotions. Once you have figured out where you stand, you will find your path, and this can be done by simply talking to yourself and how you feel about it. Self-love is associated with certain Mantra techniques such as writing a compassionate letter to yourself that identifies everything that does not make you feel good enough, meditation, exercises, becoming mindful, introducing good self-care habits in routine or listening to empowering talks. I have learned that trusting my instincts, being truthful, setting healthy boundaries, listening to my body, taking a break from my work, decreasing screen time and introducing a healthy diet has also contributed to my spiritual, physiological and psychological growth.

Having discussed the core of problems and treatment options out there today, resolving you to exhibit self-love is crucial to a healthy life style. For me, the healing was mostly working on my thought process which involved working with my own demons, learning the uncomfortable truth, accepting my shortcomings and failures. Using modern psychology and psychotherapy is relatively new in this discipline, it is a rather complicated course, not so delightful to choose and might involve a moment’s hesitation. It pushes us to accept our own capacities of judgment, shame, anxiety and fear, without accepting these parts we cannot make a true connection to ourselves that is deep enough that we no recriminations for expressing our feelings. The healing process softens our inner war and we allow ourselves to be seen as who are truly are, granting ourselves right to exist without having to answer.

In other words, my experience tells me that self-love is basically telling myself that I am entitled to happiness, the accumulated anxiety took me years to overcome and taught me that downgrading myself is unnecessary and that only a positive approach can help me in recovering from depression. It has taught me that kindness, forgiveness and understanding is important in my life, it underlines that being aware of the suffering helps in dealing with a stressful situation and practicing self-love, mindfulness and being kind to myself is important in the midst of a rough patch, this approach has changed my thinking and outlook on life in general.

This all sounds simple but in reality, being simple is art and being good to yourself is always the most difficult. Being aware of self-love, having a simple outlook and acceptance in its true essence can change your take on life.